okay to not be okay
by breathing moonbeams
Summary: Percy Jackson and learning that okay isn't always possible, and that not okay can be another type of okay. One-shot. Rated K because these ratings are sort of confusing. Read and Review, because reviews make me happy.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: I feel like the okay to not be okay is sort of cliche, but this sort of just wrote itself in a vain attempt to avoid homework, so yeah...

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When Percy first saw her, she didn't look like a princess. She didn't look like a model, or even a warrior.

She just looked like a normal girl at summer camp, and it hurt Percy's heart a little because he is well acquainted with the fact that she is far from normal.

She hasn't been _allowed_ to be normal since she was seven years old. He supposes that now he won't be allowed to be normal anymore either. He wonders if it should bother him that he cares more about Annabeth's normality than his own.

Even after a few weeks of disparaging comments and annoyed sighs, he wants to be her friend, even if she completely and totally hates his guts, because even if neither of them can offer the other normal, he wants to try his best to offer her someone to take care of her. (Not that he thinks she can't take care of herself, no, of course not, she's been living this insane life since she was seven, and that's plenty of time to learn how to care of yourself, despite the fact that seven-year-olds should not have to look after themselves. He doesn't doubt her in the least bit, but he won't pretend that he didn't hear her sneaking out nights ago to look at Thalia's tree. Although he might deny having followed her, he won't deny having seen her sob her heart out, mumbling incoherently into the trunk of Thalia, which might once have been her shoulder, or her chest.)

Percy just wants someone to love her, someone who's not a tree, because trees can't talk, and all he wants to do is tell her that it's okay to not be okay. (He won't pretend that he was surprised when Annabeth was the epitome of composed the next morning, no tear tracks, no puffy or blood shoot eyes. Only narrowed gray hurricanes and an angry hiss of "What're you looking at?" when he'd gawked at her unnecessarily long. It made him wonder how many sleepless, tear-stained nights she'd had in the past that he had missed, and that no one else had probably never noticed.)

He wants to help her out, even if she would punch him in the gut if she heard him say that aloud. Heaven knows that she's too proud to accept help, lest it be out of pity. And maybe it is. (After spending approximately a the total of a whole whopping month with her, Percy isn't ready to admit yet that she means a lot more to him than she should. He wonders if he would jump off a cliff for her. He's too ashamed to admit that maybe he would. He wonders what the gods would do with that information. He wonders what the monsters would do with that information. He wonders if he should steer clear from cliffs from now on. It's nearing the end of the fifth day of their quest when he has these thoughts, and he's so _tired_ of never feeling safe anymore. He feels hunted and scared and this is what animals must feel like half their lives. He makes a mental note to be nicer to animals. Although, not so nice that he would give up meat. Anyway.)

Besides, for someone who calls him infuriating so excessively, she's pretty cool. Who wouldn't think she's cool? Well, actually, him when she's holding a knife to his throat. Or teaching him about Ancient Greece.

But, overall, he thinks she's a pretty cool person. So, that's why, when he's in the back of a smelly truck with too many animals, an empty stomach, a snoring satyr, and Annabeth's hollow voice echoing in the dark, well, Percy feels a lot happier than he should. It is only after she falls asleep that he remembers. Even though, he's pretty sure she knows it by now, and even though she can't hear him (he notices she doesn't drool in her sleep), he whispers in the dark anyway.

"It's okay not to be okay."

It's only after he says this that he realizes he isn't really okay either (He should really sleep, shouldn't he? He's so damn tired. He wishes that he could close his eyes without seeing monsters and screaming and blood.), but, really, Annabeth's head on his shoulder makes him a little (a lot) more okay than he was before.

After all, he's pretty sure that if it came to it, Annabeth could (and would) protect him. So he closes his eyes, and when glowing red eyes and broken help mes is all he can hear, he shoves them away, and imagines instead Annabeth striking them all down fearlessly.


End file.
